Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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