He uses pillows to masturbate.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
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You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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