He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
