she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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