Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
