would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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