The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
