I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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