The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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