Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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