sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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