Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
