Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
