Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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