The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
