All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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