Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
