Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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