In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
