If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
