So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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