I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
