Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
