The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I need to stop coming to work sober
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
