Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
