She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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