She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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