Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize