I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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