I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
