it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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