btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
