I forgot how hot balto sounded
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
