I met the friendliest cop last night
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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