i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
