Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
