Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
