i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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