Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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