I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My brain says no but my pants say off.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
