A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
