Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
