I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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