I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
