Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize