Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
