Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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