...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night