I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"