i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
only if we run a train.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
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i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
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the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola