The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
