Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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