So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
