I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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