just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
