currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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