oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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