My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
